Naming things (or pets) is hard; just ask my cat, Stubert. But some people are tasked with the difficult job of naming something that a lot of people are going to see, such as a car. It has to be hip, it has to be appealing, it has to say something about the car, while also not sounding too much like another car. It’s a tricky job.

Needless to say, there are a lot of bad car names out there. But which is the worst? It seems to me that, among the countless poorly named cars that have made it to market through the years, there are some categories into which we can file the worst.

Double Entendre

The first category I’ve seen come up more than a few times is the vehicle name that sounds a little rude. The Dodge Dart Swinger, for instance, sounds like the kind of party the car’s owners were going to in the ’70s. And the less said about the Ford Probe, the better. Also included in this list are the Tarpan Honker, the Isuzu Bighorn, the Hummer, the Ford Escort, and more.

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This category also has a special sub-category of names that don’t translate well in certain languages. Take, for instance, the Mazda Laputa and the Chevrolet Nova (“no-go” in Spanish). And who could forget the sub-sub-category of names that sound like poop in French, such as the Toyota MR2 (“merde” or “emmerdeus“), and the Audi e-tron (“etron“).

Non-Sequiturs

A smaller, but no less fun, category, it contains names that just make you say “What?” These names aren’t inappropriate like the previous category; they just don’t quite work the way we think a name should. There is, for instance, the Mitsubishi Lettuce, the Vauxhall Adam, the Mazda Bongo Friendee, and one of the most funny, the Isuzu Mysterious Utility Wizard. Actually, now that I think of it, that’s a great name! What’s it doing on this list?

The Ill-Conceived

While the previous names were so left-field that you couldn’t help but stop when you read them and think “Huh?”, these make us wonder “Why?” The Studebaker Dictator from the ’30s makes us worry about the politics of the management at Studebaker. The AMC Gremlin, meanwhile, just sounds like a problem. You can almost see what Chevrolet was thinking when it named a car the Citation, but it really sounds like you’re being given a ticket. The Subaru Brat is also often put under this category.

Letter Jumble

I also think that many alphanumeric names belong in the list of worst car names. Although they tend to avoid the double-entendres and allow for the fact that there’s more than one language on earth, many also fail at doing the one thing a name should do. Lincoln’s erstwhile naming convention allowed it to make the MKX, MKZ, and the MKS and I have never known which is which and at this point, I refuse to learn. It has also led to silly names like BMW X5 XDrive350 that are annoying to spell and longwinded to speak.

What do you think, though – what’s the worst car name of all time?